2022 Gratitude

I have been wanting to post an update for a while now, but something always comes up or my energy dwindles and I've opted to take a step back in order to protect my own energy. As we approach another new year, I've done some reflecting and have debated this: do I share the unending saga of obstacles and annoyances? The perpetual rollercoaster of "good" days and terrible days? Paint a picture of a day in the life of myself or Brian / our family? I could probably write a book about what life looks like now and there would be several scenarios and circumstances that would be hard to believe. And hey - we all love to gripe. A little drama gets a room's attention, right? Maybe one day, I'll sit down and have a cathartic complaining session - but instead, I've opted to paint the picture of goodness shown to us this year (alongside all of the ugly / hard / sad / frustrating days).

The crazy part is I don't even know where to begin! What a blessing that there's such an overwhelming amount of good things to share, I truly don't have adequate words to describe the gratitude in my heart for the generosity, love, and support. Often times receiving is difficult & surreal (as is this injury and situation) and so I cannot produce a proper response. Please know every effort, and I mean *every* effort, is appreciated & seen and let this post be my attempt to thank you on behalf of Brian and myself & give credit where credit is due. 

THANK YOU to the following companies & organizations:

• Got Your Six Foundation
• Merch sales, Blue Brew, and endless fundraising efforts
• The Home Depot, Randhurst IL
• Donated various home upgrades to help get new house ADA compliant and updated for an appropriate home-care environment
• ARS Heating & Cooling
• Donated heating, cooling, clean air and smart home systems
• Smitty's Tree Service
• Donated hazardous tree removal services
• GS Remodeling & Construction
• ADA home renovation team
• Superior Ground Services
• Donated dumpster services throughout the year during home renovations
• Aniascape
• Donated lawn care consultation for future therapy garden & continued support and volunteer time at fundraising events
• Illinois State Police Softball Team
• Donated 2022 tournament funds to Brian's recovery 
• Illinois State Police Heritage Foundation Top Shot
• Donated 2022 event funds to Brian's recovery 
• Illinois State Police District 5
• Donated holiday party raffle funds to Brian's recovery 
• 100 Club 
• Donated to Brian's recovery fund
• Member from board donated condo rental in Chicago during Brian's time at Shirley Ryan
• Orland Park PD
• Donated 'Don't Shave December' funds to Brian's recovery
• FOP Troopers Lodge 41
• Formal donation made to Brian's recovery fund during fall CRIMPAT detail
• Lisle Lanes
• Hosted "Bowling for Brian" Birthday event, coordinated by Trooper Jose Alvarez & his wife Kathy
• Lisle Junior High x Wonband
• Students selected Brian as 'warrior' of the year to donate funds from merchandise sales
• Alter Brewing
• Hosted Got Your 6's 2022 Blue Brew for Brian's birthday
• One Allegiance Brewing
• Hosted 2021 Blue Brew & GY6 events
• Homes by Jones Real Estate Team
• Facilitated the house hunt & found us the perfect ADA friendly home to remodel in order to bring Brian home
• Jodie Needham Fitness
• Coordinated October's push-up challenge and donated funds to Brian's recovery
• ComEd
• Donated time to install generator to support medical equipment in the event of a power outage
• Envelopes for Brian
• Birthday fundraiser put on by friends for Brian's birthday month
• You Are My Sunshine T-Shirts
• Donated shirt sales to Brian's recovery fund (design made by our friend, still available for sale)
• Chick-Fil-A
• 3 different locations donated a percentage of their sales to Brian's recovery fund
• Lou Malnati's 
• 3 different locations, donated a percentage of their sales to Brian's recovery fund
• Marianjoy Rehabilitation Hospital
• There are NO words for the ongoing care they provide for us day in and day out. You all know who you are and you're stuck with us! Angels on earth.

• If I forgot anyone, please leave a comment so I can add to the list, I am sure I've forgotten a few! It's so important to us (our families and Matt & Gina) to recognize the people and the companies that have gone out of their way to make this homecoming possible. We support businesses that support others and want to ensure you get endless referrals! On behalf of Brian and the broader 'blue' family, we thank you for seeing us through this challenging time.

Additionally, there are far too many individuals to name that have contributed financially to Brian's recovery fund, whether by mail, donations at events, or Brian's GoFundMe. This continued support has allowed me to stay by Brian's side without needing to work and has allowed us opportunities to pursue supplementary therapies & purchase tools and resources that aid in his care that we otherwise would not have been able to afford. How can I possibly thank everyone for helping me find the means to get my husband back? How could I ever describe to you the sanity it gives me to know that I am not alone in my hope? TBI is a complex injury that has zero predictability - but knowing that we have an army of people that are committed to helping me uncover more solutions gives me the courage to keep going. 

We spent Christmas day in the ER with a minor (non-emergency) issue with Brian's g-tube. Not necessarily ideal, but our holidays are no longer the same anyway...I'm happy to be wherever Brian is. It wasn't the worst case scenario, but it was still tiring and stressful on us both. It was a quick trip and we returned to the rehab hospital, got Brian settled in for bed time, and I left to find the Jeep's battery dead in the parking lot. I'll keep it real for you guys: my response to this was not pretty. It's crazy how it's never the big glaring things that break us - it's all the small things that stack up that break the camel's back. I have been walking this road with Brian every day coming up on two years. I have somehow managed to stay fairly sane and healthy even when medical curveballs are thrown at us. But when the normal, run of the mill, day-to-day stuff of life doesn't pan out, THAT is the stuff that breaks me down. Why share this? Because I could tell you all that our Christmases are sad, and complain about the ER, and whine about being stranded alone in a cold parking garage at 10pm on Christmas night- those are all valid grievances in my opinion. But, I have learned to try and count the blessings, even on bad days, and I find that it does offer me some comfort and peace. We must always try to reframe things, even when it feels impossible. 

So - didn't get our Christmas miracle. But...I got to have Christmas Eve lunch with Brian's family, the staff at the hospital all came to give me a hug and wish us a Merry Christmas, Layla got to cuddle with Brian before we went to the ER, my dad & brother picked up Layla so that I could ride in the ambulance with Brian, my mom was waiting at the hospital for us so I wouldn't have to be alone, my friend's husband came and jumped the Jeep within 7 minutes of my call (she also sent a hot, home made chai tea latte to warm me up and bottle of water to rehydrate after lots of crying -- like WHAT?! who thinks of that?!), I came home to have a long hot shower, a cuddly dog / warm bed, and my family still had a little gift exchange at midnight. I have a love-hate relationship with the sentiment, "it could always be worse." But truly...it really could be worse. 

I look back on this second year of Brian's recovery & all the obstacles we have overcome...and I realize that many of that was made possible by the blessing of having all of you in our corner. This year I learned that is possible to have a broken, but grateful, heart. 

Goodbye to the dumpster fires of 2021 and 2022. May 2023 be Brian's big breakthrough! 

All my love to you & yours, 
Lauren

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." - Psalm 23:6