May 3rd - Day 77
Seventy seven days...77 sleeps alone. If only I could know how many more until Brian wakes. If only I could know what God has in store. I remember a time in my life years ago that I was convinced would never be for good. That I would never be same. I remember wondering what could become of my future. And then, many years later, I met Brian. And I felt like God delivered on his promise then...to give me hope & a future. Brian and I were inseparable and in love almost instantly. Despite his out-of-character love for heavy metal (if you know, you know), we were a lot a like. The way we see the world, the way we love our friends, family, dogs, our work. The way we love adventures, pizza, simple things. Most weekends we stay home doing home-owner, "adulting" things, and every Sunday night, when the 'sunday scaries' sunk in, we would hold each other and thank each other for the quality time. For whatever reason, he always forgot that he needed coffee creamer at 8pm on Sun nights and would beg me to go with him to Jewel to pick some up - and I would always tell him I would wait in the car, to which he would reply "no just come in with me, it'll be fun!" He's the best.
I took a 3-day weekend before Brian's accident, something I cannot recall doing in the past 3 years having started my own business. We spent 3 solid days together and I remember so vividly telling him that Sunday night how thankful I was & just how much fun I had with him. To be honest, it wasn't really a weekend out of the ordinary because we almost always doing EVERYTHING together regardless. But I'm glad we expressed our gratitude for one another constantly. I was so sad that our 3 day weekend was ending so I woke him up 4x to say goodnight and get another kiss. We held each other a little tighter that night. When I saw the weather in the morning, I begged him to stay home. When he texted me at 11:30am he was on his way home, I was so relieved. And he never came home. And I have not been home since.
Last night I was looking for something on his phone and happened across a note/memo that he had and all it said was "hope remains." Dated 3/11/19. Knowing Brian, I assumed this was a song he heard or someone recommended to him -- sure enough, I googled it and the first song that appeared is some heavy metal song so I was disappointed at first. But then I googled the lyrics:
I have never met you or Brian and likely never will. I never even heard of him until this accident, but I can feel your love. Just looking at your pictures and reading your stories I already knew you 2 had the once in a lifetime, so rare and hard to find, love. Honest to God love. That is why I feel such heartache for you. You 2 have what I always wanted to have, but seems to elude me. That is why I pray so hard for Brian to be healed and returned to you. LOVE. Everyone deserves to be loved and you 2 had it! I just ask God every day for Him to heal Brian so the 2 of you can resume your journey together. So few people have real love and happiness in their marriage. I beg all the angels and saints to pray for you both. Please my Lord, heal Brian and return him to his love, Lauren!
ReplyDelete❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteBless you sweetheart ❤️💔🙏 Continued prayers for recovery and healing for Brian and his family ❤️
ReplyDeleteWith love, Rhuann Grecco ❤️
DeleteBeautiful discovery on his phone! I love how God gives us what we need when we need it. Always praying❤️🙏 Always believing 🙏❤️Hope Remains!!❤️
ReplyDelete"And he never came home." That line undid me.
ReplyDeleteBut so did, "My hope remains."
My hope, too. I know Brian is still here, fighting as hard as he can to get back to you and everyone who loves him. Thank you for the update and for being you, amazing and strong and faithful and brave even when you're scared and sad and angry and upset. We love. We hope. We believe. And we got you. XXXOOOO
Thank you for sharing! You both are truly an inspiration to everyone, even in your darkest times. God is using you both, in his mysterious ways, to remind us all that life is fragile & life is precious. To appreciate every single day that we have with loved ones, and to stop sweating the small stuff.
ReplyDeleteKeep the faith...yes, hope remains!! Daily prayers for you all. ✝️🙏🏼💙🙏🏼❤🌈
Here is a little prayer I found that may help:
ReplyDeletePrayer for Hope and Strength
(for those in despair or in great need)
Almighty God,
You reach into the darkness with hope, truth and light. Stretch out your strong hand in this situation, hold and rescue those who have suffered. Let your almighty love move mountains, cross seas and breathe life into the darkest places.
Light that redeems.
Light that restores.
Light that heals.
Light that protects.
Light that saves.
There is nothing higher, stronger or greater than your love.
We trust in you.
Amen
❤
ReplyDeletePraying for you sweetie and Brian always, there never is a day that I don’t think and pray for you both. Sending you xoxo
ReplyDeleteAm praying for a day to come very soon, that he wakes up and says, let’s go home . I will keep praying for that day to come soon. Xoxox. Kiddo
ReplyDelete🙏🙏💙
ReplyDeleteAs many on here, I do not know you; I only know of Brian’s story through a blue family Facebook group. I cry reading every single one of your posts. You are so faithful - even in the darkest nights. All 77 nights of hell on earth. God sees you. God hears you. Take heart in that and that you have a whole hell a lot of us praying on our knees for you and him. You write such beautifully heartbreaking words from the soul and we all can feel it. Continually lifting Brian and you up in prayer.
ReplyDeleteAs many on here, I do not know you; I only know of Brian’s story through a blue family Facebook group. I cry reading every single one of your posts. You are so faithful - even in the darkest nights. All 77 nights of hell on earth. God sees you. God hears you. Take heart in that and that you have a whole hell a lot of us praying on our knees for you and him. You write such beautifully heartbreaking words from the soul and we all can feel it. Continually lifting Brian and you up in prayer.
ReplyDeleteThis entry has me in tears. Those 3 days you had & the way something made you take a 3 day wknd when you very seldom take time off & the discovery of the song lyrics are all God’s signs to keep holding onto his word, to keep the faith, to keep seeing his signs to you of his presence in your life. My heart breaks for you that you have to go through this dark valley, though you know you are not alone. So many care, so many are praying for you, & God Almighty is with you.
ReplyDeleteYour story of the 3 day wknd & finding the song lyrics took me back to the day my mom suddenly passed. She too suffered a traumatic brain event(aneurysm) & did not survive. I remember being with her a wk or 2 before it. She had been not feeling good(sinus inf or a cold), she fell asleep on her sofa while i was visiting her, she was wiped out from a long work day. Something came over me as i Looked at her sleeping & wondered how long I would have this wonderful woman as my mom, I had no idea why this ran through my mind. Might have been because I was still grieving the loss of her mom(my g’ma)just 18 mos prior. Fast forward a wk or 2 to the day she passed. She had taken the day off work to take my sister to a Dr consultation appt for a major surgery. I fly for an airline & had been off 7 days prior to this day of which i spent several of them w/ her. This particular day i swung by her house on my way to work to drop something off & she was kinda sad. She had gotten word a friend of hers for many many yrs had passed that morning. We talked a bit & i had to get going as its quite a drive to the airport. I was going to use the restroom before i left her place before the long drive. She yelled in she was going to go next door to check on her father, as my grandparents had a place next to her. I didnt have time to run next door as my gpa likes to talk & i knew i would end up late to work. I yelled back to her “are you not going to come tell me bye”? She walked back in as i was exiting the bathroom and hugged & kissed me bye, then she went next door. I got in my car & left for work. 5-6 hrs later I got the most awful phone call of my life. My mother had collapsed & was being airlifted to a trauma center. I had hugged & kissed my mother & spoken to her for the last time in my life. There is a hole in my heart that can never heal even with the grace of God. My mother much like your Brian was so full of life, had a heart of gold & a sense of humor that could stop ya in your tracks. I pray your Brian returns to you, healed & healthy & is granted a renewed spirit for life. You are certainly not alone in your pain, know there are so many who know what that kind of pain feels like & are hoping for you that God’s grace is bestowed upon you & your family & Brian. I can only think now that those little signs were signs for God preparing me for what was to come. I’m thankful I listened to my instinct to call her back to have one last hug & kiss from her. I thank God for that small gift. Keep holding onto those small gifts God is giving. Brian sounds like a real fighter. Keep the faith! 🙏🏼😇
What a beautiful post, Lauren. Thank you for sharing. Love conquers all!! 4th path power ❤️ Love you both very much.
ReplyDeleteI pray and hope for sooner, rather than later.
ReplyDeleteMany hugs to you Lauren.
You are an inspiration to all who know you. I can’t wait to read your book.
Lynn
Lauren, thank you for your beautiful and faith-filled message. You and Brian continue to be in my prayers many times each day. God is doing something special through all of this. Keep hoping and believing.
ReplyDeleteISP Chaplain Bill