Tues, April 20th - Day 64

Well, we are in limbo. I haven't updated because there aren't any real changes. Brian is still recovering well from his cranioplasty - very stable! Wed - Sun of last week, he was very sleepy. Not a lot of eye opening, not many movements at all. It scared me, to be honest. Even though I kept telling myself he had major surgery and needed rest, my mind still raced to the worst places and my fears got the best of me. By Sunday, this entire circumstance exhausted & crippled me. 

Thank you to everyone that showed up on the prayer gathering and picked me back up. I decided to take a day off from the hospital Monday and my sweet brother & Erin went and spent the day with Brian. I had a low-key day with 2 of my best friends that just sat with me and played with my hair and helped me nurse my headache. When we video called Brian, I was happy to see he was opening his eyes again while Erin did some OT with him. 

Today, he was 'alert' (eyes open) for almost the whole day and I saw one independent leg/toe flinch again -- which is where he was at prior to his surgery 11 days ago. He's still not responding to verbal commands. Transfer to rehab sounds like it'll happen early next week. Staples from the cranioplasty will come out in 2 days. He got to listen to 3 of his friends on video calls (plus both of our families call daily) so he was popular today!

I miss my husband...my best friend. We had just started rollerblading together prior to the accident and we both felt like we were falling in love all over again at the roller rink. It was a silly thing but we couldn't stop talking about how much fun we had together. But with Brian, that's literally everything we do together. Every night when we go to sleep, we say I love you & goodnight about 10x! If I fell asleep first, he would wake me up to get a kiss goodnight & he never left the house without a kiss from me and Layla. There are no days that go by that the moments aren't lived in, big or small. He's my once in a lifetime love. He's everyone's 'best' someone. I miss him. I keep praying for him to wake up so we can watch him CRUSH it in rehab. He was built to work hard - I just know he's going to be the guy that is told "this will take 6 months" and he'll do it in 2, effortlessly. God, please just give him the chance to fight! I pray his recovery will be a story of victory that will knock our socks off & we can proclaim God's goodness and power! I pray his scans continue to improve in inexplainable ways. I pray for signs of his return to consciousness, even before transferring to rehab. And if in rehab, then let their advanced approaches successfully emerge him, please, Jesus!

I know God's timing is perfect, and 2 months isn't actually that long for a brain's healing process. But this gets harder every day. I have 'good' days, but they're all bad. The 'bad' days are awful & suffocating. Today was a 'good' day. Thankful for God giving me 'alert' time with Brian today, love & check-ins from friends near and far, and some progress on unfolding a plan for the road ahead. I'm also deeply grateful to our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors lightening our load during this time; for car cleanings, yard work, getting mail, food, making sure bills are paid, picking up my workload, and just constantly checking & asking how to help - I see you all! Thank you for not letting me ever feel helpless or alone 💕

“LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. 

Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.” 

— Isaiah 33:2