April 29th - Day 73
Well today has been a rollercoaster (mostly for me).
Brian had a very eventful morning of OT, PT and Speech therapies. All reported increased responses and alertness. The nurses were excited to report this news to me, which always is a great way to arrive to the hospital. And Brian was more alert in my opinion, too! I let him rest (and snore) in between calls with our families.
By the end of the day, his lab results came back reporting that he has a staph infection in his sputum (spit/mucus). Luckily it's not in his blood, he hasn't had more fevers and his white blood cell count is normalizing, so we can assume the broad antibiotics they started Monday are working & they adjusted them to specifically target the infection as of today. The treatment is 10 days, so rehab is postponed until everything is cleared up. Ten days sounds so long - but God has perfect timing. Trying to keep telling myself that.
On the way home, the trooper that drove me home was flagged down to block an intersection where a man appeared to have had a heart attack at the wheel and I watched as the paramedics tried to revive him. I watched as his three kids and wife watched in fear from the sidewalk. I wanted to run to them, pray for them, hold them.
Tonight, my emotions are shot. It feels like the end of my rope. How much more can I take? How many more days can I do this? How many more fears must I face?
"Do not be afraid." - John 14:27
I tried to pray tonight and words came up short. I just am crying out to God: Please help. Please come to our rescue. Please give me back my family, my husband & best friend, Brian.
I don't have profound words. Just begging God, please help us. Help Brian! Please keep praying fervently for him. He's the best person I've ever known. He is so good & loves life so much...God, heal him!
I read these today...and then read them 10x over to desperately believe them:
If you read this, I mostly write this to catalog & update Brian's progress, to get my thoughts out of my head, and for Brian to read one day.
Tonight if you're reading this, I need help. I need your prayers. I need to read them and feel like God is close. There are so many moments I can count that contain God's goodness and provision - and all it takes is one piece of bad news or one dark thought to make me forget. Please help me remember. I read every comment and message. Brian is usually my voice of reason, my sense of calm, my comfort and the person that gets me. I feel so lost and scared tonight without him.
"And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, 'Peace! Be still!' And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." -Matthew 4:39
Dear God - please bring us a great calm, and restore Brian. Return him to us. Declare peace over this storm! I am weary. Our family is weary. Our friends are sad. The anxiety is overwhelming. The enemy tried to take Brian from us, but you love him - please claim his life and renew it! Heal his infection quickly! Give us hope & a future! Please help us, oh Lord. Hear my prayers, but please hear my heart and intercede. Amen.
Lauren! My heart aches for you. But I also feel a sense of calm for you and Brian as well. I feel hopeful and optimistic, though I am neither of those normally. I always go dark, I spiral fast. But I've grown so much closer to God and I feel strongly that he has a plan in store for both of you! I cannot comprehend how challenging this has been, but I pray and hope and wish, and spread the word in request for more prayer. I will continue to lift you up. Stay strong! Much love to you!!!
ReplyDeleteYou’re in my prayers right this minute. ❤️ Praying for angels to bear you up.
ReplyDeleteActs 3:16
ReplyDeleteBy faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has completely healed him, as you can all see.
Lord, I pray we see this for Brian. We have Faith in Jesus’ name!!
The power is in Jesus’ name and we believe and know His Divine power to do what is impossible. I thank you for the progress seen today and I thank you for the healing that is to come. I praise your holy name for you alone are worthy of my praise!! I pray for Lauren to hold on to that hope in what you have shown her thus far. I pray comfort and strength for her to hang on to You who gives her strength. Amen!
“God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
ReplyDeleteLauren- Your strength throughout this is inspiring. Your love and strength is something that you only read in a fairy tale, I say that because every fairy tale ends with “And they lived happily ever after”. I feel that you will have your happily ever after, I feel that Brian will awake and though the road ahead does not seem clear or certain, I still feel that the end of your book together is very far away, you still have stories to create together for many years to come, and then however many years down the road your ending will read “And so they lived happily ever after”
DeleteOh Lauren...❤️❤️❤️...you trust in God...fall into his arms and let him comfort and give you rest. You trust and pray...relax and let God restore you. ❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteContinuously praying for you Lauren. I'm praying for full healing and recovery for Brian and for peace and patience for you. As you are always saying, God's timing is perfect. We don't know when or how or even why until it happens. Waiting is so hard and I pray the days are few until Brian wakes so you don't have to wait so long. You are so strong Lauren! God will give you your daily bread. It's ok to not always know what to say or to not be able to say anything at all. God knows your thoughts, he knows your heart. God has gone before you in this and walks beside you and Brian through it now. My heart aches for you! Brian is so strong and he keeps showing his strength with each new challenge and step in his recovery. You have an army of prayer warriors backing you guys up. Praying for you every step of the way and praising with you every step of the way. 4th path!!!
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteI just prayed for you tonight. I know it’s so hard to trust Gods timing and so hard with what you are going through.
Whenever I get frustrated with timing or grow weary, I keep telling myself:
Gods will not mine.
Thy will be done.
His will not mine.
May you have peace tonight and remember that God is the ultimate physician. God knows the reason why he keeps getting delayed in going to rehab (yet again), even though it may not seem clear now. There is a reason to everything under Heaven. I believe he is protecting Brian from something no one knows until he is ready for rehab.
I didn’t write this, but I felt on my heart you needed to read this:
Wait Quietly- Lamentations 3: 25-26
“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
The last thing we think of doing in bad situations is waiting. We tend to act hastily without actually thinking or fleeing the issue to avoid certain emotions or the reality of our choices. We also don’t often do this quietly either. When we put our hope in the Lord we find that we can stand quietly and still, giving it over to God since He is in control in the first place. God is always good and has given us the gift of salvation through his son, Jesus Christ. So we should stand still in the middle of the storm and know God is there and is in control.
PS I read your blog everyday❤️
Carmen Campbell (Gross)
*Friend of Ambre Thill
*Calvary Church member
I pray for you all. You are never alone in this. I read all of your updates... and each one I am praying for you and rooting you guys on. I dont know Brian personally but he sounds like an amazing man who really deserves an amazing recovery. I pray that you find strength and comfort in knowing there are people like me out here. That barely know yous and are here to say you are in my prayers. I send my healing love to you. Keep up the hopes and know you aren't alone.
ReplyDeleteWanted to add...
ReplyDeleteDon’t you give up! You never know who you are inspiring with your strength🙌🏻🙏🏻
God, I pray for this family. For this beautiful couple to go back to “normalcy” and never take a day for granted. I thank you for helping me to appreciate those little moments even more now more than ever. I pray for my friend, Lauren, to have strength but to also feel she has an army of support to fall back on when she needs to. We will continue to hold her up while you heal her love. Amen
ReplyDeleteI too am praying for you right this minute, girl. And for Brian. I know that God can do anything and I truly believe Brian is trying so hard to get to back to you. Please let him wake up, and grant him complete and total recovery and healing, restoring his physical strength, his memories, his emotions, his essential Brian-ness. I was thinking of him today and how he watched over our house during the days after Erik died, to see if my light was on because I couldn't sleep, and I was so grateful for his kindness. He is needed in this world, by you and by your families and your friends, and by everyone who knows him...and people he doesn't know yet but will know him. I also pray that you will feel supported and lifted up and loved, and feel surrounded by all these prayers. All my love to you and your guy. XXXXOOOO
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren, Jill and Megan have been filling me in on Brian’s status regularly and I have often prayed for both of you ..for strength, courage, desire, patience, stamina, forgiveness, perseverance, and of course complete restoration.
ReplyDeleteTonight I pray you KNOW God is right alongside you. That you would choose faith over fear.
God does not want any of us to fail.
So be confident He will use this in ways you can not imagine, for reasons you may not understand, with people you may never know.
“But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love.”
Psalms 5:11-12 NLT
https://www.bible.com/116/psa.5.11-12.nlt
I remember working alongside Brian to install the lighting in your loft space and thinking to myself - he takes direction well, he listens, he’s hard working . . . and man is he really whipped over Lauren!
Be confident he has the perseverance, tenacity, and mental stamina to overcome this challenge. He just needs his cheerleader to root him on.
Hold fast and know that we are praying for these things.
Love Kevin, Jill, Megan and Molly
Your faith in God throughout this entire journey has been so inspiring to me! I cannot imagine being in your shoes, but I do know you have a whole lot of blue family that you’ve never even met supporting you, keeping up with Brian’s progress, and being inspired to be better people by following your journey of faith. He will wake up! His life will be restored! You will certainly face challenges you had never thought about, but try not to worry about those now. Focus on today, this moment, which is sure to come with enough worries of its own. I’m astounded at how much progress he has made, and you’ve been by his side for every moment of it. Keep stealing some time for you and your precious pup here and there - you need it to keep your mental and physical and emotional strength up, to continue being his strength. I pray for you to find moments of peace where God’s light shines through and shows you the next steps while confirming that you’re doing exactly the right thing. I pray for Brian’s full recovery and healing. I pray he continues to give you little signs that he’s present and knows you are too until his body is ready to wake him up.
ReplyDeleteLauren- I hope on these toughest of days you can feel God and peace knowing you can fall into His arms and trust in His healing and perfect timing. He is holding you and Brian so close in the palm of his hand. He is making His presence known in the love and care of your nurses, troopers visiting you, in the trooper who took you home and stopped to help others, in your family and friends, and in the strangers that pray for you every day. I pray that you never feel alone in this! You will never be alone. Both you and Brian are healing with the help of God and His angels around you in plain sight. Sending all my love, prayers, and the warmest hug tonight and every night. 💜 -Olivia
ReplyDelete🙏🙏💜
ReplyDeleteWe are all praying for you and Brian, No great words can help, yet you have hundreds or more people who care and are praying for you. This, what you must be going through, is beyond comprehension. Yet you face each day, as you have before. FRANK strong. You can do this, and the lord will carry you through when you don’t think you can! PRAYERS🙏🏻🙏🏻💙
ReplyDeleteLauren, I think and Pray for you and Brian so often. Your love, courage, and honesty have touched us all!
ReplyDeleteDear Lord, bless this family with the bounty of your strength. The power of your love is mighty and you have extended it to us all. I ask again, as your humble witness, to fill Lauren, Brian, and their families with Your Grace. To guide them to moments of peace by extending a gentle place to rest within your arms, so they may awake and carry the glow of Your light within them with renewed boldness. I am thankful for the eyes of gratitude you have created within us all and call on You now in Lauren’s moment of need to shine your light brightly in this moment of need. Amen ��
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteIt’s OK to have a bad day. Don’t be hard on yourself. The writer of Psalm 42 knew the kind of pain you are feeling:
“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" …Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me;… By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42 (selected verses) ESV
God has not forgotten you. There is still hope. He hears the moans of your heart even when you can’t put them in words. You will again praise Him. In the meantime, we’ve got this. Our prayers are unceasing for you and Brian. Last Sunday I again asked my congregation (and our radio audience of potentially 20,000 in Southern Illinois and Missouri) to step up their prayers. God is working something very special through all of this.
—ISP Chaplain Bill, District 11
I pray for you Lauren, for Brian, for your entire family everyday. I witnessed a miracle at Calvary Church, a few years ago, of a young man who was paralyzed in a car accident. He is now married, with children, walking, living a good life. So I know the power of prayer and am believing in a miracle for Brian. You are amazing. 💕
ReplyDeleteLauren you are not alone through this horrible ordeal even though it may feel like it. Your faith in God is so strong. Brian has been make remarkable progress through this. Even though it seems like forever, it’s been 74 days. Keep taking it one day at a time and don’t look at the over all picture all the time, it is so overwhelming. I worked with Brian and cried when this started. I still cry. You are so strong. Keep the faith and know there are so many voices adding to yours in prayer asking God to bring this wonderful man, husband, back to you.
ReplyDeleteDo not lose faith, God is still present all around you. He shows you he is there in the people you meet every day, the strangers who follow this blog (me included) give yourself grace, having a bad day is okay and you deserve them. But always remember that you can do this, as many days as it takes.
ReplyDelete“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.“ Pslam 46
-Lena (MSP #51)
Dear Lord, Lauren has been an inspiration to all of us. She has delivered your message so eloquently as she has patiently waited for you to bring Brian back to her. What a beautiful testament she has given you Lord throughout this tragedy. Dear Lord, please, give Brian the strength needed to return to Lauren, so she can truly get the relief needed to rest and rebuild her strength. She has been a beacon of your love. Please give her the reprieve she seeks so she may continue sharing your word. In Jesus’ name we pray.
ReplyDeleteI keep you and Brian in my prayers every day. I ask God to help, heal and give you strength. I know life gets overwhelming...I have experienced it myself...but keep praying and asking for prayers. Remember that you have an army of prayer warriors behind you! Also, find someone that gives great hugs and ask for one. You'd be surprised how it helps you! Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteLauren, I messaged you a month or so ago on Instagram and told you i pray for you and Brian daily. I continue to do so. Not a day goes by that I don’t pray for both of you. I check for updates every day. I admire your strength but know you’re in a tremendous amount of pain and wish I could do something to relieve it. I will continue to pray that God continues to show you His presence.
ReplyDelete-Laura Belmonte
🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you your family and Brian
ReplyDeletePraying for you from ATL <3
ReplyDeleteI wish that I could help bear some of your desperation Lauren. It is heart rending to hear how hard this is for the two of you but I will keep praying as long as you need and I feel that your prayers are being heard!
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteI'm just a local stranger who came across your story as it was shared on various platforms. I check for updates almost daily and you and Brian are in my daily prayers. Your faith and strength are inspirational. We're lifting you up in prayer!
I pray for small moments for you to feel peace, healing, and hope. You have an astounding faith that I admire. You are the reason that Brian is making all these miraculous steps. It has been such a long haul for you, long days and longer nights, as you wait for Brian to emerge. You have walked this long road alone waiting, but soon Brian will be by your side, I just know it. He is supported and prayed for the world
ReplyDeleteover, and it’s getting louder.
God hears you, and he has a plan, but it is so very hard not knowing what that plan is. I pray for peace in your heart and your mind Lauren.
Lynn Reed
Lauren, you and Brian have inspired so many, and your updates continue to be an inspiration. Our prayers are heard and being answered everyday. Brian is getting stronger and continues to progress on his road of recovery. We are all on the road with you and Brian.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you feel God beside you right this moment because He is. You are his Child and he cares for you unlike any of our earthly fathers are capable of.
ReplyDeleteLauren, you are growing your faith right now. Your relationship with Christ and your growing faith is being shown to all who are reading this journal that you have boldly shared with us. You are witnessing to many even when you are weak and worn out. God will come to all who call on His name and I see Him with you and Brian. He is healing Brian and He is strengthening you. Brian is so fortunate to have you by his side. You are doing a wonderful job as a wife, daughter Inlaw, sister Inlaw.
Hold on to what God has already done, what he is doing now, and to His promises.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
Lord I pray today Lauren’s strength is renewed and your peace be poured upon her so that she may work through anything that comes before her. Amen
Lauren, my voice and my prayers are with the many who lift both Brian and you to our Lord. I pray that He will send His Angels, both Immortal and mortal, to attend to Brian’s and your needs. (((hugs))) 💙🙏🏻💙
ReplyDeleteLauren, do not lose faith! Remember what I said ...it’s alright to have bad days. None of us know how hard this is ..so our advice might not mean much but I promise you have a world of support behind you ! 💕💕💕💕
ReplyDeletePrayers and thoughts for you and Brian. God is good and will come thru for you both.
ReplyDeleteLauren- please know that my prayers are with you and Brian. You are so strong- your strength and faith radiates through your words. I feel your pain and your love for your husband. If there is anything I can do or help with; please let me know. ❤️
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteI so feel your pain and desperation, my heart aches for you, Brian and Layla. Layla is probably wondering where did Brian go.. Can you picture how happy that homecoming will be.
I read your blog every day. You are strong. You are loving. How lucky for both of you to have each other. Remember you have an army of folks behind you praying for you and Brian. Take it one day at a time. Stay strong, take care of yourself.
It’s ok to be mad. You and Brian didn’t ask for this. We are all here for you.
Cyndie
What can I say that has not been already said here? I am praying for you and Brain. All day, every day. Every wish, every prayer is for Brian to be returned to you whole and for our wonderful Lord to give you strength to carry on. My heart aches for you. I cry at every one of your posts because I can feel your love for Brian. Please God bring Brian Frank back to his Lauren and the rest of his family and friends. Please grant Lauren the strength and the courage to get through these days.
ReplyDelete